


Port Out, Starboard Home

by glitzyena



Category: IZONE (Band)
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Sky Castle, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hair Dyeing, Hurt/Comfort, Revenge, Running Away, SKY Castle AU, Secret Relationship, Servants, Shoplifting, Stealing, Studying, Teen Romance, Underage Drinking, University, Wealth, kangbi for like a second
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:08:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26052451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glitzyena/pseuds/glitzyena
Summary: "You're warm,"Chaewon blinks at her drowsily. "You always used to say that," she murmurs. "What does it mean?"Yena's words get clogged in her throat. "I don't know," it means everything. "I don't know, you're just... warm,"With Yena studying day and night in the hopes of getting into SNU's med school, and with Chaewon being her family's housekeeper, the two of them should hardly even need to speak to each other, let alone keep a relationship under lock and key. But having the one you love most so close, yet at the same time so far away is harder than you might expect, and secrets never seem to stay as just that.
Relationships: Choi Yena/Kim Chaewon (IZONE), Kang Hyewon/Kwon Eunbi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 70





	Port Out, Starboard Home

**Author's Note:**

> i'm baaack, and this time, with my first ssamyen fic!! with yena being my bias and chaewon being my bias wrecker you'd have thought that i'd have written about them sooner than this, but better late than never i suppose lmao. they've been sailing so much ever since oneiric diary era started tbh, right up until now, and literally every fic idea i've gotten over the past few weeks has been with them in mind.
> 
> but asides from all that, you've probably noticed that this is a sky castle au! the show is really incredible and i'd definitely recommend it to anyone who's looking for something to watch, and if you've watched it then you'll probably have pieced together that this fic is based on youngjae and gaeul's story. i've taken a LOT of liberations, because this is more focused on ssamyen than crazy revenge-inducing tutors, so don't come for me if i don't follow everything to a T. you can read the story without having watched sky castle and you'll be able to follow along just fine, and i don't really think there's any spoilers because everything i write about is pretty much covered in the first episode or two.
> 
> whewww ok with all that out of the way, i hope you all enjoy!!
> 
> -glitz
> 
> [my twitter!](https://mobile.twitter.com/glitzyena)  
> 

Yena’s mother has never hired boys. 

It's always the same reasoning. _She can’t be distracted, she can’t lose focus, she can’t afford to divide her attention._ The people working in their household, as cooks, cleaners, gardeners, whatever it may be, are always women. Old ladies, young girls, it doesn't matter as long as they do their job, and are out of both mind and sight. Yena's studies, along with achieving the highest grades humanely (or rather, not so humanely) possible, are simply regarded as too important, too high up on their family's teetering list of priorities to be knocked down, and something as insignificant as blind attraction isn't going to interfere. It's never really been common for her to have friends over that live outside of her family's distinguished, esteemed neighbourhood, and even the sons of family friends her mother has guided her to steer clear of. The only male figure in the household is Yena’s father, who she hardly ever sees anyways, working from the crack of dawn into the late of the night, a renowned surgeon in a university hospital. 

Yena’s mother, on the other hand, stays at home. What she does all day while her daughter is at school Yena doesn’t quite know, but she certainly finds ways of keeping herself occupied once Yena is dropped home. 

Yena’s always thought that her mother is a fucking fool.

“And do you think that’s good enough?!” Her mother shrieks at her in the hallway outside her room, face ripening like a tomato, the sheer volume in her voice rattling the ornaments placed meticulously on the windowsill. Her lips are pursed into something that leaves a lot to be desired, twitching in tandem with her right eye that just can't seem to keep still. She's a prim woman, Yena's mother, dignified and stately with everything in her life seeming to fall by her feet. Her hair is always styled to perfection, never a strand out of place, regardless if she's leaving the house or not. Her clothes are overly opulent, hanging like curtains from her frame, and you can always hear her coming from the tell tale _click-clack_ of her high heeled shoes.

Of course, this is brushing the surface, because Yena knows better than anyone else that she is fully capable of letting loose once there's no one outside of the family there to witness it. Family, and the household staff, Yena supposes. She wonders how much money they're all paid to keep their mouths shut, what kind of contracts they were lured into signing that swear them to secrecy.

She had been in the middle of moving a new cabinet into the upstairs lounge before deciding that ripping her daughter apart for her most recent grades was a more favourable option, a member of staff helping her. The staff member holds onto the other side of the cabinet, stood off to the side and caught between the crossfire. She won't speak up.

"All the money we put into extra classes, tutors, studying sessions, and you're shameful enough to walk into my house after coming second? To the _Kang's_ daughter? You expect to make it through life with an attitude like that?"

Yena might think that her mother is a fool, but it doesn't make anything any easier.

Swallowing thickly, her throat grows tight as she clasps together her sweaty palms, an endless array of equally cutting words sloshing around inside of her head and making her dizzy. Her expression is blank as she stares down at her feet, having learned long ago that retaliation never leads to anything good. She wants to defend herself, to insist that _I was only one point behind_ , but she's grown smart enough at this stage to know that she'll only end up in even worse trouble than she was before if she so much as dares to present an excuse.

"Well?" her mother's tone is thorny, with every intention of bringing her down.

Yena dips her head further. "I'm sorry," it doesn't come out as loud as she would've liked.

Her mother scoffs, disbelieving, and the silence that lingers between them both for a few seconds is insufferable.

For one, delusional moment, Yena thinks she's off the hook.

And then-

"Go study,"

Her toes curl, and her chest closes up. It's well past midnight at this stage.

"Now, Choi Yena,"

Black dots dance in front of her eyes. She's so tired she thinks that she might just fall asleep right here on the carpet. "Yes,"

When she raises her gaze, her mother mumbling under her breath about how she was landed with such an ungrateful child, the member of staff catches Yena's eye. She stares at her intently, with the meaning of maintaining eye contact with her, and Yena doesn't really have enough energy to refuse. She doesn't think she's ever seen her before, so she reckons she must be new, that and if the blatantly shocked expression that she's trying to reign in are anything to go by. She's young, actually, with short, soft-looking brown hair the colour of caramel framing her face. The moment her eyes manage to hold Yena's, she makes an attempt at a smile, something like a mixture of sympathy and pity. It's a typical first-day-on-the-job expression that Yena receives from time to time.

Mustering all her will, she does her best to be polite and nod back. The girl is quickly ushered into returning to the task of manoeuvring the cabinet, which she rapidly returns to without sparing Yena another glance.

Later on, with the deafening sound of the clock slowly tapping away at her resolve, Yena sits in her study, breaths short and eyes tracing her textbook wildly, everything a flurry of numbers and letters that seem to float off the page and wriggle and writhe at her mockingly. Her vision shifts in and out of seeing double, her surroundings too dark, and then too bright. She doesn't know when tears began to gather in her ducts, rather becoming aware of them when one pathetically, unceremoniously falls onto her notes, the black ink bleeding into the now see-through paper, revealing a blurred sliver of the ample writing on the page beneath it. Her mind is a scattered mess, barely able to comprehend one thought before another comes along, that and the fact that she's just fucking exhausted. She doesn't think she's gotten a proper night's sleep at all for the past week or two, and her stomach has been growling in desperation ever since she was denied a proper dinner earlier on in the evening.

She honestly has no idea what time it is at this stage, refusing to look at the clock out of fear it'll drive her insane with how maddeningly slow the hands seem to move, but she eventually gives in and glances at the wall behind her.

Nearing in on three a.m.

Sighing in defeat, she slumps in her chair, tipping her head back and covering her eyes with the back of her arm. She doesn't close them, because she knows she won't be able to open them again if she does, but just hopes that the stray tears that cling to her ducts will soak into the fabric of her jumper.

She has to be up for school in four hours. She has an array of tests tomorrow, or today really, ones that she _knows_ she's prepared for but the regular fear of failure, of coming home and not being seen as _enough_ , seeps into her bones like the bite of the cold on a winter's day. It's both her driving force and her demise; some days, it pushes her to go that extra mile, just to _win_ , just to see the fruit of her labour and come out on top. But most of the time, on days like today, when it seems like her best isn't good enough, she wants nothing more than to run away from it all.

The door creaks open, and Yena hastily sits up, rushing to wipe at her face one last time, being careful not to sniff or to breathe in a way that might give herself away. She hones her attention back in on her book, not wanting to appear as though her attention had been derived.

She waits for whoever it is to speak up, be it her mother or her father, and pleads that they give in and see her exhaustion, and allow her to have those precious few hours of extra rest.

But the words don't come. Nothing does, except lightly trodden footsteps on the carpet.

Looking up, the staff member from earlier stands just a few meters short of Yena's desk, the young girl, the hallway's light spilling in from open door behind her into the dark study almost giving her this golden aura. Her face is soft, gentle and kind, and she merely stands there for a few moments, seeming unsure of herself. She's just stood there, unmoving, and in her half-asleep daze Yena can't bring herself to do anything other than stare back.

She doesn't register when or how the girl comes over to her, but the next thing she knows she's just there, sat on the chair next to her in which her mother or father would usually be whenever they felt like putting her on the spot. Up close and in the low, yellow light, the only thing that comes into Yena's head is _warm._ She doesn't know how to describe it but the girl just seems warm, not just in a physical sense, and Yena’s so tired that she doesn't even try to make sense of it. Her skin is the colour of milky tea, and her eyes are wide when they bore into Yena's own.

She doesn't say anything. Sleepily, Yena thinks to herself that she doesn't even need to.

She watches as the girl gingerly raises a hand, slowly almost as to not startle her, maintaining eye contact and not looking away from her once. There's something so _kind_ in her gaze that Yena can't even begin to process. The girl's hand stops just short of Yena's cheek, and Yena watches as she silently presses her lips together. It's nothing crazy, when the girl gently takes a hold of the side of her face, and brushes her thumb tenderly beneath Yena's eye. Yena hadn't even been aware that her eyes had grown watery again, but now that she's conscious of it she can't seem to stop.

Her breath hiccups and her vision blurs once more, and she shakes her head for a reason that she's not quite sure of. What she is sure of, however, is that she's grateful when the girl doesn't withdraw her touch, continuously drawing her thumb across her skin in that same, soothing motion.

She's warm.

"You're so brave," the words are whispered underneath the girl's breath.

Yena doesn't feel like it.

The girl's name is Chaewon. She's the daughter of one of the newest in-house cleaners, and helps around the house just as much as her mother does. She's a little under a year younger than Yena is, seventeen, having dropped out of school two years ago when she was fifteen.

"The books and shit were too expensive," she'd shrugged nonchalantly when the topic had first come up. "I couldn't keep up anyways, there was no point to be honest. I had to drop it without telling anyone though; my mother would've wanted me to stay,"

It doesn't take long for Yena to realise that Chaewon saying she couldn’t keep up was a lie.

Chaewon is easily one of the brightest people Yena's ever come across, and such a thing isn't to be taken lightly. Sure, perhaps she doesn't know different formulae and theorems and means of calculation, simply because she had never been taught, but her perspective and the angle she looks at things sometimes leave Yena in a silent state of shock. It's like Yena's brain has been hardwired to overthink things, to never accept what's on the surface, but Chaewon sometimes comes out with these softly spoken, simple solutions for problems that Yena's spent hours pouring over and she's dumbfounded each time. She catches her from time to time, reading through Yena's textbooks when she thinks she's not paying attention, a look of wonder in her eyes as she drinks in the pages on those lazy evenings when the two of them sit in silence in Yena's study.

It almost makes Yena a bit envious. She isn't naturally this intelligent, she knows that, (it's one of the few aspects of her mother that she's more than willing to admit she takes after) and it's more so the intensive amount of nurturing that's gotten her to where she is. But, something that overcomes her more than her light flicker of envy, is a want for fairness. Yena knows, that if her and Chaewon were on a level playing field, Chaewon could outdo her with ease. But because of something out of their own control, because of how they were _born,_ it's Yena who could end up going to med school, becoming a doctor, being on the receiving end of endless praise for something as stupid as a grade, and it's Chaewon, bright, intelligent, _warm_ Kim Chaewon who's stuck at a dead end because of a predetermined factor.

_Hard work can get you anywhere._ It's something Yena's used to hearing by now, something that she used to never question. _Hard work will never fail you._

_Sure,_ she supposes. _As long as hard work comes with millions for tuition._

Falling for Chaewon is something else entirely, and it comes much too fast.

At first Yena doesn't think much of it, because she's never had anyone in her life like Chaewon before. She's never had anyone that will sit her down and listen while she spills all her worries, someone who responds to her with what she needs to hear. She's never had anyone like Chaewon, who nips into Yena's study when she's supposed to be cleaning, just to make sure that she's alright, who lifts up her duvet at night for Yena to crawl into, who brushes her thumb over her cheek in the way she knows calms her down. She's never had anyone so _warm_ , so she found herself wondering really, how could she _not_ become attached to her.

But the feeling never fades, and if anything, it persists. It doesn't fade when she finds herself reaching for Chaewon's hand behind her mother's back, and it doesn't fade when she finds herself rushing her homework to check up on her. 

It doesn’t fade when Chaewon angles her head to the side to softly press their lips together, on another lazy, quiet night in the dark of Yena's study.

"Oh. You beat me,"

Yena looks to the side to see Hyewon regarding the list of the year's grades with a bored expression, a flurry of students around them trying to catch a glimpse of it to see where they stand amidst the rankings. She chews on a piece of gum, going unheard amidst the chatter, the groans of disappointment and the cheers of joy.

Yena's known Hyewon for as long as she can remember. They've practically grown up together, but even then she can't say that she knows the girl very well. Being her next door neighbour, it's almost impossible for them not to encounter each other, and being in the same year as her means they share more than a few classes. She knows that they live a similar lifestyle, with studies being prioritised over anything else, and because of their similar age it's pretty inevitable that their parents have pitted them against each other. It hasn't really caused much of a dispute between them, no matter how much Yena's sure her parents would like it to, and she's got a feeling it's because Hyewon knows that Yena really isn't as passionate about her grades as her results might make her appear to be. They work just fine together, and it's like an unspoken agreement between them both that they pair up if work is ever required to be done in a group, but neither of them go out of their way to meet up if it isn't necessary.

Hyewon gives her a dry smile, and Yena doesn't blame her. "I'm gonna be in so much shit. I was so sure I'd gotten full marks too," she voices Yena's thoughts with a monotonous tone, crossing her arms and regarding the list again. There's a beat of silence between them both, before she heaves a sigh, hiking her schoolbag higher onto her shoulder. "I'm off to splash water onto my eyes. At least make it look like I'm remorseful. I'll see you whenever,"

Yena offers her a short, polite nod in reply, still looking at the list pinned to the notice board.

  1. **Choi Yena**

  2. **Kang Hyewon**




She'd gotten full marks. Every single question right, with Hyewon only three points behind her.

She supposes any other student would feel a surge of pride. Making it to the top is certainly no easy feat, and anyone would feel happiness at the sight of their name at the very top of the list. But, to be honest, Yena's just relieved. Now, she's basically guaranteed a week or two of proper sleep, with lie-ins and everything on the weekends. The thought alone is enough to make her heart sing.

"Yena-yah!"

Looking away from the notice board, she looks up to see Hyewon standing in the middle of the hallway, not too far off. 

"Congrats, by the way!"

Yena smiles at her. Hyewon knows that she knows that the congratulations is for the aftermath of achieving first, not for the first place itself, simply because Hyewon is in the exact same boat as her. And, she knows that Hyewon is going to face similar consequences that she herself had to face the last time that she came in second. 

"Thank you,"

_I'm sorry._

They've done this enough times at this stage for Hyewon to know what she means. She brushes Yena off before heading off in the direction of the bathrooms, to cry for real or to pretend to do so, Yena will never know.

Her mother is in a really good mood.

She has a large breakfast made out for her when she comes down the stairs next Saturday morning, an enticing spread of food with all sorts of side dishes laid out. A rosy-cheeked beam is on her mother's face, and an apron over her dress as if she'd actually made it all instead of their cook. She greets her with a cheery "Good morning! We made your favourite!" ushering her to her seat while her father watches, amused, over the rim of his coffee mug.

It's nothing new. 

Yena gives her the best attempt at a sincere smile she can manage, because a side remark never goes down well, and gingerly sits down while her mother insists that her "smart, beautiful, hard-working daughter deserves it,"

And if she weren't any of those things, she wouldn't deserve it. Yena learned the hard way that in this household, love is very much conditional.

So, today, Yena is going to try playing cards of her own. Shaking her head, she smiles a little brighter, her mother giving her an encouraging nod, and picks up her chopsticks. She goes for the first thing in front of her, short ribs, and takes a bite, knowing that she's being watched for a reaction. She chews thoughtfully, dragging it out before swallowing, then leaning back in her seat. "Whoa," she smacks her lips. "That's seriously good. Thank you so much,"

It tastes no different to how it usually does, but she plans to lay the flattery on thick.

Her mother flushes, waving her off. "Really don't thank me, just eat up. You've worked so hard, so you deserve the weekend off. I know you push yourself even during your breaks, so at least rest up for the next two days, hm?"

Yena puts on a laugh, nodding and thanking her again. She keeps up the conversation as breakfast drags on, laughs at everything her mother says and listens intently. She gives her father a hug on the way out the door, and her pats her on the head with fondness, once again proclaiming how proud he is that his daughter is doing so well.

Yena knows that it's rather because he works with Hyewon's dad in the hospital, and it's just another excuse for him to be able to brag about her so that he can one-up Dr. Kang. Yena thinks that there's more competition between her father and Hyewon's father over their grades than there is between her and Hyewon themselves.

And then breakfast continues on, and Yena waits it out, waiting for the right moment, for a natural break in the conversation, when the timing is just right-

"You know, I was thinking..."

Her mother looks up at her from the other side of the table when she speaks, dabbing at the corner of her mouth with a napkin. "Yes?"

Yena reaches for more food, just to appear casual, munching on it languidly and resting her cheek in her hand. "It's winter break now, right? And we always have such a nice time around Christmas, I mean you always put an effort into it to make it special. Like I remember every single Christmas we've had, really clearly,"

Her mother flushes at that again, letting out a soft breath of laughter, readjusting the napkin that's rested on her lap before looking back up at her again. "Really?"

She really is a fool.

Yena tuts. "Of course I do," she huffs out. "We both know that our house is always the best decorated in the estate,"

"You're not wrong," her mother sighs, taking a sip of her coffee and holding the mug close to her chest. "The Kwons always try and compete with me, and they're not even subtle about it,"

"I know!" Yena exclaims, and the only reason she actually does know is because she has to put up with her bitching about it each year. "Yet you still come out on top,"

"Seems to be a trend in the family, doesn't it?" her mother laughs, so Yena takes it as a cue to laugh along with her. And when her mother stops, so does she, and then she picks up from where she'd left off.

"But then, the other day I was thinking," she frowns, tilting her head to the side. "That girl you hired near the start of the year, the young one. What's her name again?"

Her mother looks surprised at the mention of Chaewon, not answering for a moment, but Yena keeps the same expression on her face. "Who, Kim Chaewon?"

"Ah, that's it!" Yena claps her hands once. "I couldn't remember. But I looked at her and I thought... because, you know..." she leans in a little closer, causing her mother to do the same, and drops her voice. "Her and her mother aren't very smart, right? Why else would she have dropped out of school to come here?"

That seems to feed her mother's ever-growing ego, because she nods seriously.

"And I thought, Chaewon's never really had a chance at a Christmas like the ones I get to enjoy every year because of you, if that makes sense. So like..." she sighs again, probably a bit more over the top than necessary. "Obviously I don't really want to, but I thought it'd be the right thing to do to let her have just a couple hours off where I could take her to the market or something. I wanted to know what you thought of that,"

She cringes internally. That had come out a lot more eager and willing than she'd intended.

Her mother is silent again for a fraction, and Yena braces herself for the worst.

But, to her surprise, her mother grins. "Look at my daughter," she croons, gesturing to her, so Yena puts on a bashful smile. "Smart _and_ generous. I think it sounds like a lovely idea, how thoughtful of you,"

Yena shrugs, honing in her attention back in on her food, not having to work so hard to keep up the happy expression on her face anymore.

"If you don't want to do it so much I can have someone else bring her out-"

"No no, that's fine," Yena brushes her off, waving a hand at her. "Someone her own age should take her out. It must be hard having only old women for conversation. Besides..." she stands up, picking up her empty plate. "I should put myself into uncomfortable situations every once in a while. When I get into SNU, I'll have no choice but to work with people I don't like,"

At the mention of SNU, her mother's face lights up, and she too stands up. "Yes!" she exclaims, face completely overrun with jubilation, and Yena knows it's because she herself is never the one to bring up medical school of her own accord. "Yes, you're totally right. Gosh, I'm so happy you're thinking so far ahead,"

Yena grins, for herself, and she knows that the deal is sealed. She places her plate next to the dishwasher.

"Anything to make you happy,"

"What in the world do you think you're doing?" Chaewon hisses at her, stumbling over herself as Yena tugs her unceremoniously down the stairs, alarm written all over her face while Yena simply laughs at her. 

"How can you laugh?" Chaewon exclaims under her breath, holding onto Yena's arm that bit tighter to get her to slow down once they reach the bottom step. She looks around wildly to see if anyone had seen them, before fixating her gaze back on Yena anxiously. "If someone sees-"

"Hey," Yena places her hands on her shoulders, quirking her lips. "Just trust me, okay?"

Chaewon only blinks at her, eyes wide and searching like they were that very first time in Yena's study, except that now Yena's able to see her own reflection in her pupils rather than lamplight. Although she seems tentative, and nervy with the both of them being so out in the open, she nods slowly. "Alright,"

Giving her one last grin of reassurance, Yena jumps down off the bottom step, and in the direction of the large cabinet by the front door. She opens it up, leafs around for a moment or two before withdrawing two winter coats. She tosses one to Chaewon. "Put this on,"

Chaewon just about manages to catch the coat before it hits the ground, staring at it with a frightful expression like it's about to come alive and start attacking her at any given moment. "But- this is yours?" she's still whisper-yelling. "Unnie, can't you just-"

Yena raises a brow at her, already with one of her arms threaded through the sleeve of her own coat. "Didn't I say like two seconds ago to trust me?"

Chaewon opens her mouth to reply, before shutting it again, and heaving out a sigh. "Fine,"

Yena zips herself up, and then insists on helping Chaewon with hers. At first Chaewon stiffens up, again neither of them really used to being so close so out in the open. Then, she pokes Yena softly in the side with a smile Yena supposes she's been trying her best to repress. "You're just doing it on purpose now, aren't you?"

Yena squirms away from her. "Guilty,"

She goes back just to smooth out Chaewon's collar, which had been jutting up at an awkward angle, running her palms over the material and letting them linger just a little longer than necessary. Their eyes lock, and the grin that had been sitting on Yena's lips slips away, because-

Well, she doesn't really know how to put it. Chaewon is just warm.

Chaewon must take it the wrong way, because her eyebrows knit together. "What?"

Shaking her head, Yena retracts her hands in favour of stuffing one of them inside her pocket. It doesn't give her nearly as much comfort as Chaewon does. She puts a smile back on her face, and with her other hand, she moves a stray lock of brown hair away from Chaewon's face. "Pretty,"

Chaewon's expression doesn't change for perhaps a second or two, and then, just before she tucks her chin into her chest, Yena catches the beam that breaks out on her lips. She gives Yena's shoulder a weak shove. "Shut up,"

At that moment, Yena's phone lets out a _ping_ , and she fishes it out of her pocket. Reading the message on the home screen, she lets out a satisfied hum before swiping to dismiss it. "Well, that's our cue. Let's go,"

"Wait, what?" Chaewon grabs a hold of Yena's arm again, that anxious expression returning to her features, just as Yena turns towards the front door. "We're going out?"

"Well I didn't bring you down here just to play dress up,"

"You know what I mean!" Chaewon insists, before leaning in and lowering her voice again. "It's too risky," she sibilates. "We never go out even when your parents _aren't_ here, if one of them sees us, or- or finds out-"

"Re _lax_ ," Yena drawls, drawing the word out. "They both know, it's okay,"

Chaewon is visibly taken aback, eyebrows climbing. She definitely doesn't look like she'd seen that coming. "They... do?"

"They do," Yena reaffirms with a single nod of her head, then opening up the front door. "The car's here, we should go,"

Chaewon follows her out onto the porch, watching as Yena locks up. "So... it's like a surprise then,"

"You're only figuring that out now?"

"I'm not the genius here,"

Yena freezes.

The fact that she says it so lightheartedly makes her sick to the stomach.

"You are," she mumbles under her breath, before hurriedly making her way down the steps.

"Unnie!" Chaewon calls out after her, and Yena hears her footsteps behind her as she catches up to her. "What did you say?" Yena feels her touch her arm through her coat. "I didn't hear you,"

Yena tilts her head. "I didn't say anything,"

Chaewon's face falls a little, so unnoticeable that Yena probably wouldn't have noticed if she didn't pay so much attention to her all the time. "Sorry, I thought I-"

Giving herself a mental kick, Yena plasters a smile on her face. "Just come on!" she urges Chaewon blithely, changing the topic of conversation just like that, taking a hold of Chaewon's hand and tugging her down the steps like she'd done inside. "And don't even think about asking me where we're going, because if I do then it's not a surprise,"

Chaewon looks at her with a mixture of expressions, something like awe and fondness combined into one. "Sometimes I forget that you really are bizarre,"

Yena tries not to make her smile look as pained as she feels; today is meant to be happy for the both of them, after all.

_Me too._

"It's really good, I promise,"

"But how do I even eat it?" Chaewon exclaims in exasperation. "Even just looking at it makes my teeth feel like they're gonna fall out,"

Yena lets out a laugh, tipping her head back. "Just go for it!" she insists. "Some of it will probably fall, don't worry," she gives the long stick of candied strawberries another little enticing wave. "It's one of my favourites, come on,"

Chaewon lets out an anxious gasp, grabbing a hold of Yena's wrist to prevent her from shaking the skewered fruit. "Don't!" she yelps. "It'll fall off or something,"

"It won't!" Yena whines in retaliation. "See?" she waves the stick around like it's a sparkler to prove her point, which only makes Chaewon's eyes go wider. "Stuck like glue. Now c'mon, no more stalling," she shuffles a little closer to Chaewon, and points the stick so that the first strawberry is in front of her lips. She uses her other hand to cup beneath Chaewon's chin, since she's so concerned about the sugar coating cracking and falling everywhere. "Try it,"

They're sat on the steps of some corporate building, just off the street where the market that Yena had taken Chaewon to is. Yena knows it isn't anything fancy or elaborate, but she also knows that that's the kind of thing Chaewon likes, and that it would be easy for the both of them to have a good time no matter where they went. They had wandered around for what must have been hours, talking about anything and everything, with Yena providing more than enough food for the both of them as they went along, which eventually led to them sitting down out of exhaustion.

It's strange, but in a good way, Yena thinks. They've known each other for a couple months shy of a year, yet with their... unique situation, they've never actually been outside of the house together. It's the first time that Yena can let her eyes linger on her for so long without being afraid of someone walking in, of someone coming around the corner. It's difficult to take her eyes off of Chaewon even in normal circumstances, but now, with such liberty, it's proving to be near impossible.

It's around dusk, and Yena probably should've called their family's driver ages ago to collect them, but she doesn't mind. Because the evening is hazy and and the atmosphere is tender and Chaewon is so, so _beautiful_ and-

And _warm._

It's a winter's evening and the temperature is bitingly low and Yena's breath comes out as cloudy, white puffs of condensation when she speaks, but somehow Chaewon makes her feel warm.

"Alright," Chaewon caves, lightly taking a hold of Yena's wrist to steady it in order to take a bite. The sugar cracks upon impact, small, sweetly flavoured shards falling into Yena's awaiting palm, along with a few drops of strawberry juice that don't make it past her lips. Yena really tries her best (she doesn't), but she can't stop the fond smile that breaks out on her lips as Chaewon chews thoughtfully, obviously highly critical of one of Yena's highly acclaimed favourite foods.

Then, all of a sudden, her face lights up. She lets out a hum of delight, eyes wide.

Yena giggles. "See?" she says, retracting her hand from beneath Chaewon's chin and wiping it with the tissue the woman at the stall had given them. "What did I say?"

Chaewon nods her head in admittance, covering her mouth as she swallows. She lets out a soft breath of laughter, one that she looks like she's trying to contain.

Yena follows suit, even though she doesn't really know what she's laughing at. "What is it?"

Chaewon hesitates, grin growing wider, and she looks down at her lap briefly. Then, playing with her fingers, she looks back up at Yena again. 

Her words are soft like cotton. "You don't even know that you're doing it, do you?"

Yena draws her lips together in confusion, shaking her head. "Doing what?" She speaks slowly, her stomach growing a little queasy with uneasiness.

The younger girl bites her lower lip to suppress that smile that just keeps on growing. She waves a hand at her. "No, it's ok, never mind"

"No!" Yena complains, sitting up a little straighter. "You can't just not tell me,"

"Yena-unnie, really-"

"Nope, you're telling me," Yena is persistent. "You don't have a ch-"

"You keep staring,"

That certainly shuts Yena up.

Her entire body tenses, and her grip of the stick of candied strawberries goes a little loose.

"Oh,"

It's all she can manage, for once at a loss for words. She clears her throat. "Sorry, I-"

"It's really, really sweet, Yena-unnie," 

Chaewon cuts across her, and her voice in itself is a comfort.

And suddenly, everything that Yena had wanted to say gets clogged in her throat. Her mind goes blank and everything just becomes this jumbled mess, the only thing of clarity inside her head being the girl sat right next to her.

And, she realises that Chaewon's right. Even though she can barely speak a coherent sentence, and her head has gone completely haywire, she's still looking at Chaewon. Her eyes are still honed in on her, they practically have been all evening and that's when it hits Yena like a truck.

She really wants to kiss her.

She clenches her fists in her lap, and their entire situation, it's laughable, really. There's a long beat of silence between them both before Yena decides to speak up. "You know, don't you?" her voice cracks a little.

Delicately, Chaewon takes one of Yena's hands into both her own. The movement is slow, but it's there, and simply because it's Chaewon, it speaks volumes. Her expression is so melancholy that it kills Yena to look at her, even if she can't stop.

"You know that I know,"

"Your hair,"

Chaewon looks up from the book her nose had been shoved into, sprawled on her stomach on top of Yena's neatly made bed with a curious expression on her face. Yena had taken to her bedroom to study this evening, Chaewon managing to slip in to accompany her, the two of them doing their own separate thing in comfortable silence. The light is low, with only her lamp on, and the hazy yellow light makes Yena sleepy, but having her overhead light on at such a late hour always gives her a headache. That, and Yena's always thought that the honeyed tones suit Chaewon in the nicest way - as warmer colours tend to do.

Chaewon places her book page-down on the duvet in favour of resting her chin on her fists. "What about my hair?"

"How do you like..." Yena trails off, trying to find the right words. She gestures at her own hair uselessly. "I don't know,"

"Dye it?" Chaewon prompts with a raised brow. "With hair dye,"

Yena sticks out her tongue at her, because it's late and she's tired and she really has no better form of retaliation. "Yeah, no shit," she glares. "You know what I mean,"

"I just do it myself in the sink in the basement bathroom," Chaewon says, sitting up turning to the mirror on the wall across from her to analyse her roots, tousling the toffee coloured strands with her fingertips. "I should probably touch up soon actually," she remarks offhandishly, before she halts her movements. Tilting her head with a sly smile, she bounces on the bed to turn back to face Yena. "Why do you ask?"

Feeling her cheeks growing warm, Yena shrugs, turning back to her books and continuing to write. "Just curious,"

But Chaewon pushes her. "Why?" Yena hears her shuffling, and eventually sees her sit herself down in the chair next to her. "You're not thinking of changing your hair, are you?"

Yena shrugs again, pursing her lips. "Well I mean now that you say it, I suppose I wouldn't be _opposed_ to it,"

Chaewon tuts. "Your parents would kill you,"

Yena grips her pencil a little harder at the mention of her parents, unintentionally grinding her teeth. "So let them," she grits out. "They'll be the death of me anyways,"

Chaewon rests a hand on her shoulder, so Yena guesses that her tension is blatant for her to see. "If you do want to change how you look... not just your hair, with anything," she pauses, looking like she's choosing her words carefully. "Just... don't do it to see what their reaction would be, or just to get a reaction out of them in general. Do it because _you_ want to do it for yourself, not for them,"

Yena lets her words linger between them both, dwelling on them as Chaewon sits back down on her bed. Resting her cheek in her palm, she fiddles with her pen, mind completely unfocused on the calculations in front of her, and rather debating with herself on what to do. She supposes she's a mixture of both, of what Chaewon had said. A part of her would want to do something, like dyeing her hair for example, just to see if her parents would acknowledge her in a way that wasn't for her studies, or for her grades, or for anything that didn't have to do with her education. But, on the other hand... she's seen Chaewon with her hair, and always thought about how nice it looks, and has thought about how she'd like to do the same - and should be able to do the same without facing any major repercussions.

Giving her head a jerk to the side, she lets out a soft groan and threads her hands through her hair to hold her head up. She still has so much work to get through, and she curses her wandering mind for ever bringing up the topic in the first place.

"Though, for what it's worth..." Chaewon speaks up again, eyes trained on her book as she casually flips the page over. "If you were to dye your hair, I think you'd look rather pretty,"

The smile that breaks out on Yena's lips is totally unstoppable, and she lets her head hang so that her hair covers her face from Chaewon's view. Biting her tongue in between her teeth, she gives her head a gentle shake, before picking up from where'd left off on her homework.

_Definitely not opposed to it anymore._

The china teacup makes a clattering noise as it smashes against the ground, loud and prominent in the quiet of the morning. The ivory white ceramic shatters into dozens of pieces, small, sharp shards, scattering on the floor by Yena's mother's feet. However, whilst the smashing of the teacup is loud, it's nothing in comparison to the ear-splitting shriek that her mother lets out, and both noises combined is enough to make Yena wince. She flinches too, admittedly, but recovers quickly, continuing to eat her breakfast as if nothing had happened.

"Oh my God," her mother's voice quivers when she speaks. "Your... your _hair_ ,"

Yena only offers a monotonous hum as a reply, continuing to shovel food into her mouth whilst writing out the answers to sample test answers.

She's met with only silence, and glancing briefly upwards, she sees her mother stood there, a shaky hand covering her mouth, her eyes blown wide. "Your hair," she repeats, the two words alone rich with disbelief.

Yena just hums again.

"What did you _do_ to it?"

Yena bites her tongue. She swears it's like she'd walked in and seen a corpse thrown across the dining table. "I dyed it,"

"Oh my God, oh my God," her mother repeats the same words over and over again, her other hand joining the first in covering her mouth. "It's _purple,_ "

"It's more magenta, actually,"

There's another wave of silence, the tension thicker between them both. And then comes the fast-paced, tell tale click-clacks of high heeled shoes, comes the slamming of palms on the dining table, the glasses quivering and the cutlery chiming dully against the wood. A finger is pointed in her face, and Yena swallows, yet keeps on writing.

"This better not be some... act of rebellion of some sort," her mother seethes, voice dropping. "Why couldn't you keep your hair natural, huh? Why change it? Are you trying to get back at me, after everything I've done for you?"

Yena waves a hand at her. "Not at all," she puts down her pen, in favour of looking up at her. "How on Earth would my hair have anything to do with my studies? Do I need black hair to get perfect scores?"

Her mother splutters, clearly taken aback. She's searching for something to say, so Yena stops her before she can come up with anything.

"Besides, I'm working right now, aren't I?" she gestures to her book. "Don't worry, this won't change anything. It was just a way for me to lose some stress, so if anything, it'll benefit me going forward," she picks up her pen again and starts to write once more, indicating the closure of the conversation. "It's just a trend these days. Loads of people my age do it, it's harmless,"

Letting out a sigh, her mother takes her palms off the table, standing up straight and smoothing out her dress. She flicks a strand of her hair out of her eye. "Alright," she says, tight-lipped. "I suppose I was more surprised if anything else," she pauses, then continues. "I guess I don't mind, as long as this changes nothing. I still want you working just as hard, if not more. Your exams are coming up now, remember that,"

_How could I forget._

"If I even get a- a _sense_ that you're slipping because of this, there'll be consequences, hm?"

Yena nods, grunting in response. To be honest, the problem she's working on right now is more interesting than this conversation - and that's saying a lot.

Slouching in defeat, her mother turns back around to the broken teacup on the floor, placing a hand on her forehead and letting out a sound of distress. "That was part of a collection too," she mourns wistfully. Yena just rolls her eyes. "I'll have to have someone clean- oh, Chaewon-ah!"

Looking up from her work in surprise, Yena sees Chaewon standing in the hallway, peering curiously into the kitchen.

"I thought I heard something break, miss," Chaewon says, walking into the room, not sparing Yena a glance. "Would you like me to clean it up for you?"

"Yes, I-" her mother cuts herself off, narrowing her eyes in Chaewon's direction. Then, she turns to Yena, gaze fixated on her hair, and back to Chaewon again.

_Loads of people my age do it._

Perhaps not the smartest phrasing.

Thankfully, however, her mother seems to brush the possibility aside, dusting herself down and nodding to herself. "Yes, do," she agrees again. "Just make sure Yena's father doesn't see. That teacup was a gift from his mother when she went to Spain, so dispose of it quickly,"

Yena rolls her eyes. Every opportunity to gloat that presents itself, her mother snatches it with two hands.

Chaewon bows swiftly, polite as always. "Of course,"

With that, her mother bustles back to the stove, palm to her forehead, mumbling something or other about all the stress she's put under. With her back turned, Yena seizes the chance to peel her eyes away from her work, and in Chaewon's direction, who's opening up the cupboard with the dustpan. Catching her eye, Chaewon gives her a subtle wink, accompanied by a thumbs up and a soft quirk of her lips.

Yena shoots her a smile back, before quickly returning to her work, straightening out her face into its usual expression before her mother can catch either of them.

There's a knock on Yena's door.

Letting out a huff of frustration, she fiddles with the zip on the back of her dress, which doesn't seem to want to close no matter how hard she tries. "I'm almost ready, just give me a few minutes!" it probably comes out a bit snappier than intended, but she honestly doesn't care. She hardly even wants to go to this stupid dinner party, so expecting her to be enthusiastic about it is a bit of a stretch.

She expects some form of giving out from either her mother or father (or both, if the universe is feeling extra spiteful), but it never comes. Instead, the door is pushed open so that it's slightly ajar, and a head of short, brown hair pops around the corner. "It's me,"

At the sight of Chaewon, Yena instantly relaxes, letting out an audible sigh and feeling the tension melt from her shoulders. "Oh, thank god," her limbs go a little slack, Chaewon entering the room with a small smile and closing the door quietly behind her. "Sorry I spoke like that," Yena winces, thinking back on her tone. "I wouldn't have had I known it was you,"

Chaewon just shakes her head, giving her a knowing look. "I know you wouldn't have," she sits herself down on Yena's bed, kicking her dangling legs like a child. "How're you feeling?"

Yena scrunches up my nose. "Like shit," she admits, fiddling with her earring. "But I'm trying to not be so ungrateful. It's a fucking dinner party, I shouldn't complain,"

Chaewon hums in consideration. "Well it's not the dinner itself that has you not wanting to go, is it? It's the company. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't want to go either, no matter how good the food is," she frowns to herself, then lets out a short, breathy laugh. "Is your dress open? The shoulders look funny,"

Feeling her cheeks flush, Yena instinctively brushes her fingers against her shoulder blades. "Oh," she laughs along, a little awkward, a little embarrassed. "The zip is caught. I uh, can't get it closed," she admits sheepishly.

Tutting, yet beaming at the same time, Chaewon pushes herself up off the bed and walks over to her. "You're like a little child," she waves her pointer finger in a twirling motion, indicating for Yena to turn around. "I'll do it for you,"

Chaewon, of course, manages to zip up the dress without too much hassle, fiddling with it for a few moments before letting out a hum of success. Her knuckles brush against Yena's skin as she does so, the warmth of them almost enough to make Yena shudder.

In the mirror in front of her, she can see Chaewon frown. "You're so cold," she states worriedly, pressing two fingers to the back of Yena's neck. "You're not sick or something, are you?"

Smiling softly to herself, Yena shakes her head, not meeting her eyes even though she knows Chaewon is staring intently at her reflection. "No," her voice comes out too fond, too enamoured. "You're just warm,"

Chaewon doesn't say anything in response to that, which is unlike her, to go so quiet. Yena sees her swallow in her reflection, from her position behind her, able to feel her breath on the back of her neck. And then, all of a sudden, everything becomes too loud; her own heartbeat is like a heavy bass in her ears, her exhales deafening, her ears picking up on every rustle of fabric. They're doing nothing but standing there yet it's all so overwhelming - Chaewon is overwhelming.

The younger girl gently brushes Yena's hair to one side, carding her fingers through it absentmindedly. She catches Yena's eye in the mirror, and they just look at each other, for a moment. Yena wallows in her presence greedily, and keeps their gazes locked.

Chaewon smiles, but it's pained. Yena hates it. She props her head on top of Yena's shoulder, her other hand sliding down her arm to cling to her hand. Her hair tickles Yena's skin. "You look beautiful," her voice is nothing more than a whisper.

Yena gives her hand a squeeze, not even consciously aware that she had done it. "I look dressed up," she corrects, trying to sound lighthearted, but her voice wavers.

Again, Chaewon doesn't say anything in response, just keeps gliding her fingers through Yena's hair, almost agonisingly slow. She tilts her head so that it's resting on the side of Yena's neck, still not breaking eye contact, and-

Oh.

Chaewon's eyes start to glisten, and Yena's heart breaks.

"Shit, _fuck_ ," Chaewon curses under her breath, voice breaking, turning her nose into Yena's neck to hide her face.

Yena snaps out of it, blinking rapidly. "Hey hey hey, whoa," she turns away from the mirror so that she's facing Chaewon head on, taking her face in her hands and making her look at her. She brushes her thumbs beneath her eyes, heart skipping a beat when they come away damp. She doesn't even bother asking what's wrong; the question is so obvious that she knows she doesn't even need to voice it. Her eyes dart all over Chaewon's face, the girl refusing to look at her. "Chaewon-ah,"

"No, it's-" Chaewon's own rattled breath cuts her off, and her hands fly up to her face to wipe furiously at her eyes. Her lips are trembling, again, something Yena wouldn't notice if she didn't know her so well, and gently, she peels Yena's hands off her face. She still clings onto them, and gives them another squeeze. "I didn't think I'd get so sad so fast, I'm sorry," like Yena, she tries to make it sound lighthearted, but it just comes out watery, which only makes it ten times harder for Yena to bare.

Yena doesn't say anything in response, silently urging her to keep talking.

Chaewon's eyes slowly drift back up to look at her, and-

Actually, no. That's wrong.

She's not looking at Yena. She's looking at Yena's earrings. Then her necklace. Her dress. Her hair. Her bracelets. Her nails. And then, she slowly looks down at her own attire; her uniform, a white apron, plain black shoes.

A lump forms in Yena's throat. She knows what's coming.

Chaewon looks at her then, _really_ looks at her. Her expression is so unlike anything Yena's ever seen before.

"We're... so different,"

She doesn't say it grandly, or like it's an important statement of some sort. She says it rather quietly, like someone who's lost hope or given up.

One of her hands begins to slip from Yena's. Yena grips onto it tighter before it can.

"No," she wants to believe that her voice doesn't stumble over itself. "You and me? We're not. It's our... our _situations_ that- that..."

_That set us apart._

Chaewon presses her lips together before breathing out a soft, melancholy laugh. "You're so smart," it's meant to be a compliment, Yena knows it is, but that doesn't make it sting any less. "You're so, so smart,"

Yena takes in a shaky breath. "Don't,"

Eyebrows knitting together, Chaewon frowns. "What?"

"It's you who's smart. Not me,"

Chaewon looks taken aback. "Yena-unnie-"

"No!" Yena's tone is louder than she intended it to be, but she fucking hates it when Chaewon praises her with the implication of talking herself down. "It's not- not _fair_ that I get everything handed to me when I don't even want it," she's squeezing Chaewon's hand too tight, and yet the girl still draws soothing circles into her skin. "But- but you _do_ and I _know_ you do yet you're given fucking _nothing-_ "

"I want to save you,"

Yena blinks, breath cut short.

Chaewon looks at her, with wide, brown eyes that reflect the lamplight.

"I really want to save you," she doesn't let go of Yena's hands. "I'm so sorry,"

Yena thinks that perhaps she's been a bit too self absorbed.

The Kwon's daughter got into SNU's med school. That's the entire reason why Yena's mother is having this dinner party in the first place, or rather, to coax the Kwons into giving her their secrets on getting their daughter into university.

Eunbi has always been bright, the perfect image of a model student. She was the president of their school's student council (something Yena knows her own mother is going to push Eunbi's mother for, even though Yena's more than certain that her leadership abilities amount to zero), was well-liked by the students, her grades never once slipped, and Yena had always thought how lucky Eunbi was that everything seemed to come so naturally to her.

Now, she wonders how she ever thought that she herself was the only one who had it hard.

The same goes for Hyewon.

Hyewon has never really had to work as hard as others to achieve top marks, and to Yena she's always appeared indifferent about the entire thing. Like it was more of a minor inconvenience that she made it through simply because she had to.

And it's only know, watching from around the corner as Eunbi gently presses a kiss to Hyewon's tear-stained cheek, both of them alone in the dark of the living room, that Yena realises just how locked away in her own world she's been.

_"I've never seen the sea before,"_

_"What? Really?"_

_"Mmh. Always wanted to, though," silence. And, then, "Will you take me, someday?"_

_She answers much too fast. "I'll take you anywhere,"_

It was always going to happen. But, Yena supposes that she'd hoped that whenever it did, Chaewon wouldn't be there to see everything unfold.

It happens when Chaewon is asleep. Even though the younger is facing away from her, Yena can tell by the steady rise and fall of her shoulders that she's sound asleep, by the absence of tension in her shoulders and the quiet sound of her breathing. Yena herself isn't asleep just yet, but she's on the verge, her eyelids drooping heavily and enjoying the warmth that Chaewon radiates. She's content with just lying there, knowing that Chaewon is, at that moment in time, without a worry nor a care in the world.

Everything changes so fast that Yena can't even comprehend it. Years of exams, of studying, of sleepless nights invested into making her as competent as possible, yet now, her mind just draws a total blank.

Her mother comes into the room, switches on the light. She's screaming something, something loud and outraged, kicking up a storm and brandishing something in her hand.

It's a book. One of Yena's novels she'd had to read a year or two back. A book she'd given to Chaewon to read.

Yena's stomach drops.

Instantly ridden of her exhaustion, she leaps out of her bed like it had burned her, skidding across the wooden floor in her bare feet. She shakes her head erratically, eyes begging, pleading her mother to be quiet. "Stop stop stop stop, _please,_ " she says that same word over and over again she doesn't know how many times, grabbing her mother by the shoulders to try and get her to calm down. "Just- just let me explain! I promise I-"

"Explain?" her mother exclaims incredulously, face an ugly mixture of shock, disgust, grief, and anger all rolled into one, grotesquely emotional amalgamation. She pokes her pointer finger into Yena's chest, hard. "I've got every explanation I need right here," she looks over Yena's shoulder, in Chaewon's direction, and her lip curls in disgust. "A _girl_?" she seethes. "A lowlife, good for nothing, _girl?_ " her voice rises in volume. " _That's_ what had you distracted all this time?"

Yena grips at the roots of her hair in exasperation. " _Please_ , just- just give me-"

Her mother moves to push past her, but Yena puts herself in front of her, pushing her back. Looking at her mother in the eyes then, she doesn't think she's ever seen her so mad in her entire life. Her right eye twitches uncontrollably, her body convulsing with utter rage, and she's gripping onto the book in her hand so tight it's a wonder her nails haven't punctured the pages.

But, Yena stands her ground, swallowing down her fear and putting out her arms.

Her mother inhales slowly, eyes blown wide. "Move,"

Pressing her lips together, Yena feels the belated tears sting behind her eyes.

_It's out. She knows. Everyone is going to know._

She shakes her head. "Please," she repeats pathetically. " _Please_ , I don't care what you do to me, just leave Chaewon-"

"Yena-unnie?"

Yena freezes over.

Chaewon's voice is tired, dreary, and most definitely still half asleep. Looking over her shoulder at her, Yena sees her, pushing herself up into a sitting position. Her legs are crossed, fists rubbing at her eyes, dressed in one of Yena's oversized shirts that had saved her a trip down to her own basement bedroom for actual pyjamas. She opens her eyes slowly, squinting and blinking, but Yena can tell by her face the moment her gaze comes into focus. Her eyebrows climb, and she sits up straighter, gaze darting from Yena, to her mother, and back to Yena again. She looks small, vulnerable, curled in on herself with her soft, delicate features blanched with panic.

Yena had always hoped that Chaewon wouldn't be here when it eventually happened.

Taking advantage of her distraction, her mother succeeds in pushing by her, stalking over to her bed in Chaewon's direction. Chaewon herself scrambles off the bed, arms wrapped around herself protectively, eyes still blown so wide. She looks like she's trying to say something, but nothing comes out, her mouth opening and closing repeatedly as she backs herself into a corner.

Snapping out of it, Yena tails her mother quickly, her mind rushing a hundred miles a minute just to keep up with everything that's happening.

It's then that her mother reaches out to grab Chaewon, and Yena swears she sees red.

It all goes by in a blur, to be honest.

There's a ringing in her ears, almost like she's underwater, her own cries mixing in with her mothers and just sounding like this one, muffled drone. Somehow she manages to stop her mother before she can get her hands on Chaewon, grappling with her through this daze of tears that won't shed and that same ringing sound. She somehow manages to grab a hold of Chaewon's hand, both of them rushing out of her bedroom and into the hallway, down the stairs. They somehow manage to lock to door behind them as they run outside, sockless feet half stuffed into shoes.

She can hear Chaewon crying, can hear her calling her name through sobs as they run through the estate, and the sound of it has Yena on the verge of a breakdown. It's dark, and it's bitingly cold, the autumnal night piercing against their exposed flesh. If the situation weren't so stomach churning she'd almost find it comical; their surroundings are so calmly lavish, undisturbed in its opulence, so how dare they disturb this peace with their childish, insignificant problems, tearing through the roads like they're running from murder.

"Y-Yena-unnie,"

Yena knows that it won't take her mother long to find another set of keys. To find her car keys.

"Unnie,"

Chaewon keeps saying her name, over and over, and Yena somehow just knows that it's for no real reason other than for the sake of saying it. But the way she says it is so despairing, so heart-wrenchingly miserable that it sends a sharp stab into Yena's chest each time she speaks.

"Yena,"

Yena had been selfish. She'd known that this was going to happen, that it would be impossible for them to go all this time without getting caught. And even if they had, what had she expected to happen after she graduated highschool? It's not like she could whisk Chaewon off with her and they'd be totally free from her mother's clutches. No, Yena knows that her parent's insistence will continue years into the future; she doesn't just have to get into med school, she has to do well in med school. She has to pass med school, has to finish it. She doesn't just have to get a job as a doctor, she has to keep pushing through the ranks until she's at the very top. And Yena thinks she might be the same age her parents are by the time she manages to complete all that.

And still, knowing all this, knowing that really, there's no way out, she kept Chaewon close the entire time. She allowed herself to get sucked into this alternate reality whenever she was with her, this fantasy, ideal world where it was just the two of them. She did this, knowing that Chaewon would in no way benefit, and would only suffer.

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

By the time they've almost reached the entrance to the estate, Chaewon is panting, and it hits Yena that she really has raised her like a lamb for slaughter. "The gates,"

Stumbling a little, Chaewon stops running, resting her hands on her knees. She brushes her hair away from her face, looking up at her in confusion. "What?"

Yena points to the gates that guard the entrance to the estate, rubbing at her face and letting out a curse. "The gates," she repeats. "They won't open them for us,"

She's not brave enough to look at Chaewon, not enough to even have her in her peripherals, but she can imagine her expression just fine. That same, wide-eyed look, reflecting the streetlamps, full of disdain and misery and helplessness and it's all because of Yena's own greed.

"No," Chaewon's voice is rough around the edges, and to Yena's surprise, has hints of determination beneath her uneasiness. "No, we have to try," she grabs a hold of Yena's hand again, and even though something about it isn't quite right, she doesn't dwell on it, following the younger through the dark.

The gatekeeper refuses them.

"P-please, you have to let us out," Chaewon begs, for what must be the third time. "You don't understand, just- just, fuck, _please_ ,"

Yena can't bare to see her like this, knowing that it was she herself who caused it. Her cheeks are a tear-stained mess, eyes swollen and glistening, and her voice keeps breaking on every second word or so. Her fingers grip onto the ledge into the office window, where the security team works, stood on her toes as she refuses to give up.

The gatekeeper won't meet Chaewon's eyes. "I've already said, I'm not permitted to let you out without a parent after hours," he hesitates. "Plus you're not a resident, I can't-"

"But she is!" Chaewon exclaims, pointing behind her in Yena's direction. "Yena is and you _know_ she is, you have to-"

"I'm sorry," she's interrupted again. The guard's face is a little shaken, and he still refuses to look at either of them. "I'm really sorry, but I can't,"

Chaewon opens her mouth again, and for a moment Yena thinks she's going to keep persisting. But, all that comes past her lips is a quiet sob, and she crumples onto the floor, back leaning up against the brick exterior of the small office building.

She's shivering.

No. No, that's not right. Chaewon is warm, she's supposed to be warm.

Yena immediately crouches down, wrapping her arms around her and drawing her in close. Her skin is icy cold to the touch, and it's something that Yena is just so unused to it's like her brain won't accept it. She's not cold, she can't be cold. Chaewon is always warm.

Yena hears the sound of a car coming, not too far off. "I'm so sorry,"

"No no no," Chaewon's teeth chatter, nestling in closer to her. "It was-"

"I'm so sorry," Yena repeats. "I- I knew that one day, everything would come out, but I still insisted on having you, and-"

"And you think I didn't know that too?" Chaewon's voice is so quiet that Yena only hears her because they're so close together. So close, that Yena can feel her cool breath breaking on her face. Chaewon takes the side of Yena's face into one of her hands, her palm frigid to the touch. "You think that I thought we were gonna make it out of this together, problem-free?" she sniffs, and tries for a smile. "We're star-crossed, Yena-unnie,"

At the sight of her anguished smile, Yena can't hold back anymore. The tears just come freely, and she clings onto Chaewon so tight she must be hurting her.

Chaewon draws slow circles into her skin, just like she's done on that very first quiet, lazy night in the dark of Yena's study. Two headlights appear from around the corner, the sound of a purring engine growing near.

"I always wanted to save you,"

The sound of a car door slamming shut. High heels on the pavement.

"I'm sorry, unnie,"

"I love you,"

Yena wrings her hands together in her lap, setting her jaw and gritting her teeth.

"You said I love you,"

The living room is quiet, punctuated by the occasional sharp, cutting words, but other than that, it's quiet. Unbearable silence, the suffocating kind, where you become hyper-aware of your surroundings, of what everyone's doing, what they're saying. Where you know people are watching you, and are aware of what you yourself is doing.

In her peripherals, she can see her father show her mother and herself the screen of her own phone. His lips are twisted into a satisfied, triumphant grin, and the sight makes Yena sick to the stomach. In fact, she's sure she's going to throw up. The phone screen displays her messages with Chaewon that had accumulated over the year she'd stayed here, in the house with them, and her parents seem to find some sort of sickening delight in reading them aloud.

"She didn't say it back,"

Yena digs her nails into her palms.

"Don't you see?" her mother tries for a softer approach, but it doesn't make her words any less cutting. "She used you, Yena-yah. She never would've gotten any of the nice things she got if she wasn't close to you,"

The thought had occurred to Yena several times over the past year. And, several times, she'd concluded that she didn't care.

Her parents had fired both Chaewon and her mother without hesitance. Yena hasn't seen or heard from her since, with her parents taking her phone away and searching through it all, allowing her to use her old one in the meantime whilst checking it meticulously.

It had taken a while for Yena to come around, had taken endless fights, screaming and crying and shouting and demanding, because fuck, she was fucking _livid,_ but she eventually managed to take her boil down to a simmer. She forced herself to become more level headed, to be _smart_ , and to play her cards right.

Screaming and yelling and lying wide awake at night was never going to get her anywhere. So, she dyes her hair back to black. She does what she's told. She puts her everything into her studies, getting up at the crack of dawn and going to sleep with her pen still in her grasp, always the first one into the classroom and always the last one to leave. She focuses back in on the very first goal that she ever had and gives it her all - getting into university. Getting into SNU's med school.

And she will get into SNU. Even if she has to drag herself half dead into the exam hall, she's getting that acceptance letter.

And, when she's able to hold that letter in her grasp, just as her parents are at their highest point because that's all they _want-_

She'll rip it to pieces.

And along with that stupid fucking letter, she'll tear up her parents' happiness with it, just like they did to her.

It's late at night when Yena enters the corner shop.

Her mind is admittedly a little drowsy, from the past few hours of studying, her head a whirl of grammatical structures and theorems and definitions. She'd received a text from her mother, something about how their driver had gone to pick up a handful of her father's coworkers to go drinking, and how she'd completely forgotten about the clashing schedules, and that she'd be on her way to pick her up from her school as soon as possible. Yena had declined her, saying she'd walk home. She needed to clear her head.

She enters the shop mainly out of boredom, it's been years since she last stepped foot inside of it, and on top of that she's admittedly a little peckish. She makes her way over to the snacks aisle, as she supposes the shopkeeper sees countless students daily, digging into the very bottoms of their schoolbags to find change to spend on something to keep them going. Scanning the shelves, she purses her lips, adjusting her bag on her shoulder. She leafs through an array of brightly coloured packets, trying to find her favourite flavour, when something catches her eye.

Through a gap in the shelf where a particular product has sold out, she can see out onto the other side and into the next aisle.

There's a person, a girl, dressed in black with a mask over her face, long, dark hair spilling out from behind a hood that's pulled up over her head, casting a shadow over her eyes. Curious, Yena peers through the gap as the girl slowly walks through the aisle, checking either side of her. Yena watches as the girl deftly reaches out, grabbing a can of something - beer? - from the shelf, and stuffs it into the inside of her jacket, crossing her arms to hold it in place. She's stealing it.

Frowning, and with her snacks forgotten about, Yena leaves her own aisle and enters the one next to it, where the girl is still walking around, as if looking for something. She doesn't look at Yena, but she must sense that someone else is close, because she hikes her mask up higher onto her face and makes to leave.

"Excuse me?" Yena doesn't know why she's intervening. She doesn't know why she doesn't just let anyone else handle it.

The girl ignores her, fully turned with her back to Yena, and picks up her pace, walking away with a purpose.

Yena quickly catches up to her, reaching out, her fingertips snagging on the girl's jacket. She tugs, not too hard, but hard enough that the girl's arms become uncrossed, and the can slips from beneath her jacket and falls onto the floor with a dull _clang._

They both stand still, for a few moments, Yena still holding onto her jacket with a looser grip now, the girl looking down at the can.

Yena swallows. This had definitely been a mistake. She lets the girl's jacket go, her hand falling down by her side awkwardly. A lump forms in her throat. "Sorr-"

The girl lets out a scoff, and turns back around to face her. Her eyes are narrowed, clearly unimpressed at being stopped by a high school student, and-

And then her eyes go wide. "Oh my god,"

Wide brown eyes.

The girl stares at her in shock, pulling the mask down from her face.

With it being nearly a year now, it's obvious now that her hair would've grown.

"Chaewon?"

"I used to steal stuff when I was younger, actually,"

Chaewon swallows down a mouthful of her drink, using the back of her sleeve to wipe her mouth. Yena had ended up buying it for her, the can, and throwing in one for herself into the mix. "Shit, really?" she sounds surprised. "You?"

Yena hums, smoothing out her school skirt, sat cross legged on the concrete down the side of some Chinese takeaway, with Chaewon sat across from her. "I was maybe eleven? It was more for attention than anything else, maybe for a bit of a thrill too. It was exciting," she traces the rim of her own can, smiling fondly at the memory. Then, her smile drops. "Of course, it turned out in the end that my mother knew the entire time and was paying the guy who owned the place to keep his mouth shut and delete the CCTV footage. She didn't even care,"

Chaewon's mouth hangs open. "Shut up," her lip curls, scoffing. "Oh my god. Full offence, she was a massive bitch,"

"Was?" Yena raises an eyebrow. "She still is,"

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree,"

Yena makes a face at her, kicking her leg out with no real intention of actually touching her. "Hey," she protests, half hearted.

Chaewon lets out a laugh. "You know I'm kidding,"

They fall into silence then, and unlike before, Yena will admit that it's a little awkward. They haven't seen each other in close to a year, and there's so many unsaid things between them that Yena doesn't even know where to begin. It doesn't even seem real, having Chaewon in front of her like this after so long, and seeing her up close is flooding her with countless memories from the year they had together. So, she settles withe basics. "How have you been?"

Chaewon lets her head rest against the wall behind her, and she simply looks at Yena, for a short moment or two, like she's contemplating her answer. "I've been good," is what she eventually responds with, crossing one leg over the other languidly. "I still don't have proper work yet, but I'm making it by,"

At the mention of her not having work, Yena winces. "And your mother?"

She regrets asking as soon as she does. Chaewon's face slacks a little, and she immediately averts her gaze, clearing her throat. She shuffles uncomfortably. "She was admitted to hospital a couple months back," her voice is tight. "Bills are a bitch,"

There's a sour taste in Yena's mouth. "Fuck, Chaewon-"

Chaewon holds up a hand to stop her. "Don't even," she warns, tone low. "Your mother would've fired us the moment she figured out mine was sick, regardless of whatever we did, so just- don't,"

So Yena does as she's told, pressing her lips together, and looking down.

There's another tense few moments of silence, and then Chaewon's sighing. "What about you? Have you been holding up okay?"

Yena gives in, gulping down a large mouthful of her drink before replying. "I'm... going to get accepted into SNU,"

Chaewon raises an eyebrow. "So you're actually set on it now, hm?" she doesn't sound particularly overjoyed. "Who knew that getting rid of me was all it would take for you to-"

"I'm going to get accepted, and then I'm not going to go,"

Chaewon sits up a little straighter, blinking. "...what?"

It hits Yena that this is the first time she's actually telling anyone this. "I've been top of the year consecutively for the entire year. My parents think that I'm finally on the path that they've always wanted me to be on. I'm going to get that acceptance letter, and when they're at their highest, I'm going to leave,"

Chaewon narrows her eyes. "You're going to bring them to the peak of happiness, only to bring them down to the absolute low,"

"Mmh,"

"You're fucking scary, Yena-unnie,"

_Yena-unnie._

Yena feels herself becoming a little lightheaded. It's been forever since she last heard Chaewon calling her that.

"And after you leave... what are you going to do? Where are you going to go?"

Yena takes in a shaky breath, downing another gulp and wiping her lips with the back of her hand. "Anywhere that isn't where they are,"

She doesn't have the guts to say that the plan all along was for her to go wherever Chaewon was.

They talk for a while after that, and conversation comes easier, their own ways returning to them slowly but surely. It's comforting, but at the same time painful, and it really hits Yena just how much she's missed Chaewon all this time. Talking with her makes her feel all those emotions she felt a year ago, and it hurts because she doesn't want it to end. The question's been lingering on the tip of her tongue for the majority of the evening, but she can't bring herself to say it.

_Am I going to see you again after this?_

Yena has to recognise that it's been an entire year. They've both changed, and while yes, they shared so many good times together, the first one that comes to mind isn't exactly pleasant. They've acted like nothing but old friends the entire time they've been talking, and Chaewon hasn't so much as laid a finger on her once.

A ringing sound cuts through her thoughts, and upon checking her phone, Yena lets out a curse. Her mother's ID is bold on the screen. "I totally forgot,"

Spinning her empty can on the ground, Chaewon makes a questioning noise. "Forgot what?"

"I was on the way home because I couldn't get a lift, so I said I'd walk," she fumbles with her phone to answer, bringing it to her ear. She presses a finger to her lips, indicating for Chaewon to be quiet. "Hey!"

"Yena-yah," her mother sounds concerned. "You said you were walking home, but it's been over an hour, are you nearly here?"

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Yena exclaims, mind racing for an excuse. "I had to go back because I forgot one of my books, but I should just be about ten minutes away now. I should've let you know, I'm sorry,"

"No, don't be sorry, love!" relief is evident in her mother's tone. "I'm just happy you're okay, I was worried something had happened. Hurry on home, alright? Dinner's waiting for you,"

"I will!" Yena gathers herself to her feet. "I love you, sorry again,"

"I love you too Yena-yah. See you in a bit,"

"Bye!" Yena ends the call, hastily throwing her schoolbag onto her back.

"So I'm taking it that you're leaving,"

Yena looks down to see Chaewon smiling at her dryly.

Swallowing, Yena nods, gesturing to her phone. "I was meant to be home ages ago. I just got caught up, in, um..."

_In you._

Kicking herself mentally, Yena grips onto the strap of her bag tightly. _Say something, say something._

Chaewon tilts her head at her. "What's that face for, hm?"

Even now, after so much time passing, she's so, so warm.

"I got perfect marks in my most recent set of tests,"

Chaewon purses her lips, bobbing her head. "Shit, good for you. That means you've got the weekend off, right?"

"Yeah..." Yena bites at her lip, drumming a nonsensical rhythm into her thigh with anxiousness.

Chaewon slowly stands up, face going from impressed to concerned. "Hey, are you al-"

"I was gonna head away to the seaside on my own for a night,"

_Just spit it out._

"Would you... want to come with me?"

Chaewon's been staring at the sea for hours.

She's leaned up against an overturned boat that's embedded into the sand, her dark hair ruffled by the breeze. It's not the most perfect weather for a beach visit, it's overcast and the seawater reflects the dull, grey colour, but Chaewon doesn't seem to mind. It's quiet, and there's no one there except for the two of them.

"If I had my way..." Chaewon's voice is quiet, like she doesn't want to break the silence.

Yena turns to look at her. She looks calm, probably the calmest she's ever seen her, her face holding the same expression it would whenever she was wrapped up in a book. Even out here, where the weather's a little too cold to be considered mild, Chaewon is still warm.

"...you and me would get on this boat," she taps the boat she's leaned up against, her palm coming away dusty. "And we'd go all the way out there," she points in the direction of the skyline. "And we'd keep going until we find a place where no one knows our names, and start afresh," a sliver of the sun slips out from behind the cloud cover, and both girls squint their eyes. "Like in the old movies, where the rich people go out on on one side of the boat and come back on the other. What's that called again?"

It briefly crosses Yena's mind that she must have the most stupid looking smile on her face. "I have no idea what you're talking about,"

Chaewon crosses her arms over her chest, huddling in on herself. She brushes her hair away from her face, only for the breeze to mess it up again. She's smiling too. "You're the posh one here, you should know,"

_You and me._

Maybe there could still be something between them after all.

They drink too much.

Yena supposes she should have accepted that it was going to happen. There was simply no way that they were going to slip into what they used to have so quickly and so naturally, and to be honest she's not all that bothered by it. Because it's like nothing had ever happened, it's like if Yena tries hard enough, they're cooped up in Chaewon's small box room in the basement again, and not in some musty motel room where she doesn't even know if Chaewon will be here tomorrow morning. They drink and they laugh and Yena finds herself drinking more- and then suddenly they're all too close.

And Yena hasn't had Chaewon close to her in a long time.

Yena's sat upright on the bed, Chaewon in front of her against the wall, their legs tangled together. Without Yena even being consciously aware of it, they've been getting closer and closer as they've talked, their voices becoming quieter, lower, and when the conversation comes to a natural stop, Yena realises that she can feel the warmth of Chaewon's breath on her face.

It's so quiet.

Yena watches in deafening silence as Chaewon's gaze darts all over her face; to her eyes, her nose, her cheeks, her lips. Her lips, where they linger.

There's no mistaking it. Yena gets the message loud and clear. She doesn't know how any of it happens, because Chaewon is just so overwhelming, clouding her senses and driving her to the edge, but there's really no backing out now.

Excruciatingly slow, Chaewon leans in that bit closer, placing her palms either side of Yena's hips and leaning on them, and their lips brush.

Sure that she's been driven insane, Yena can't stand it anymore, the tension. Not even conscious of what she's doing, she takes a hold of Chaewon's jaw, and without hesitating, closes the distance between them.

It's slow. Chaewon kisses her slow.

It's drawn out and neither of them are in any rush, Yena's mind honing in on Chaewon and Chaewon only. It's just like how Yena remembers it being, the feeling of Chaewon's skin against hers is still as addictive as it was before, the sensation of Chaewon's lips on hers still as maddening. Yena wonders how she went this long without her.

Yena allows her eyes to flutter shut, the sounds of the rustling sheet deafening in her ears as they adjust to one another, Yena's free hand curling around Chaewon's waist, inside of her unzipped hoodie. Her skin is warm to the touch, but combined with the central heating, it's almost _hot_ , and Yena feels herself burning up when Chaewon brings a hand up to cup her neck.

"'s hot," Yena mumurs against Chaewon's lips, barely able to get the words out before Chaewon's hand is flying back up to the neck of her shirt to tug her back in again. In a flurry of lingering touches and giving and taking, they manage to push Chaewon's hoodie off her shoulders, the younger silently deeming it good enough to have it bundle by her elbows.

Yena feels herself break out a sweat, able to feel it beading on her forehead, but it does nothing to stop her. Because having Chaewon like this, so close and so real in a way that's so familiar is too compelling for her to ever give up ever again. She doesn't think about what might happen tomorrow, or if she's ever going to see her again after this weekend, and just allows herself to get lost in the motions.

She reaches up to Chaewon's face, to run her thumb along her cheekbone, and finds the pad of her fingertip comes away damper than expected. She knows it's hot, but-

Something inside of her jolts. Through the heat, her blood runs cold.

That's not sweat.

It's tears.

When the realisation hits her, she instantly pulls back, Chaewon chasing her lips even so. Yena places a hand on her chest to gently push her back, and curses under her breath.

Chaewon's face is flushed, her hair mussed up with the wisps of her fringe sticking to her forehead, and her eyes glisten. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," the younger girl repeats those same two words over and over again, stumbling over her words in an attempt to excuse herself. "I'm sorry, I've ruined it, I-"

"Hey, hey, no," Yena reaches out to her, speaking softly. "You didn't- _Chaewon_ ,"

The girl's name spills past her lips as soon as the younger breaks down, hiding her face in her hands and her shoulders quivering. Yena instantly wraps her arms around her, hugging her into her chest and letting Chaewon lean against her.

Chaewon's sobs are muffled, but that doesn't stop them from puncturing Yena's heart. "I-I missed you so much,"

Yena's breath stops. "Chaewon-"

"And I told myself all this time that I didn't because I had to move on from everything that happened-" she cuts herself off with a shaky inhale before continuing. "And then when I saw you in the shop it fucking _hurt_ ," she sniffs. "And when you asked me to come here with you I was screaming at myself to say no but I said yes because I-"

"Slow down," Yena rubs her back comfortingly. "Slow down, it's okay. You're okay,"

But Chaewon shakes her head insistently, sitting up straighter so that they can look one another in the eye. "I said yes because I loved you. There was a point where we loved each other, wasn't there?"

Yena's tongue goes heavy in her mouth.

_Loved._

Past tense.

Trying not to look dejected, Yena nods her head.

Chaewon frowns to herself. "And then it hit me that... I never stopped loving you? Even when we were apart, I still loved you? Somehow?"

Yena blinks at her.

This isn't real. This isn't happening. No way did Chaewon just say that.

Running a hand through her hair, Chaewon lets out a humourless laugh. "I'm beating around the bush," she shakes her head. "That was my attempt at trying to say I love you, but I suppose that if you haven't caught on-"

Yena kisses her. She kisses her and kisses her, she kisses her until she's breathless with laughter, until Chaewon seems to understand, until there's smiles splitting their faces so wide that it verges on painful.

Resting her forehead on Chaewon's, both of them a little out of breath, hot with how close they are and cheeks sore with how much she's grinning, Yena decides that this... this is what life is about. Not grades, not getting into university, none of that. Nothing but this.

"Does that answer your question?" she asks.

Chaewon's so beautiful that it makes her heart ache. "Most definitely,"

Yena doesn't really sleep. She's too happy, the adrenaline pumping through her veins keeping her eyes wide open.

Chaewon isn't asleep either, but she almost is, Yena still able to tell after all this time by the steady rise and fall of her shoulders.

She blurts it out before she can stop herself. "You're warm,"

Chaewon blinks at her drowsily. "You always used to say that," she murmurs. "What does it mean?"

Yena's words get clogged in her throat. "I don't know," it means everything. "I don't know, you're just... warm,"

Months pass by. They feel like centuries.

More sleepless nights are put into her studies, with extra work being put in now that finals are coming up.

The exams themselves seem to happen in a flash. One second they've started, and the next, they're over.

School ends, and Yena graduates. And she waits. And waits. And waits.

Until one day, that one letter that she's been dreaming of, has fantasised of holding in her hands, awaits her on the kitchen table one morning, along with her parents, beaming at her like she's heaven's gift to the Earth.

"You ready?"

Blinking, Yena shakes her head to get a hold of herself. "Ready as I'll ever be,"

Chaewon quirks a brow. "Just remember, there's no going back after this. Just think, you could be a doctor, become mega-rich-"

"At the price of my own life? At the price of you?" Yena gives her an unimpressed look. "Not happening,"

Chaewon tuts. "Look at you, fucking sap," she does a shit job at trying to hide her smile. "On three?"

Yena shakes her head, looking down at the letter in her hand. So many tears were shed over this, this one, singular sheet of paper. So many people would kill to be in her position, so many were labelled disgraces, failures, for not receiving this letter. It just isn't right.

"Nah," Yena shakes her head, unable to stop her face from contorting into a disgusted expression at the sight of it. "It doesn't deserve a send off,"

So, she rips the letter in two. Then into four, into eight, keeps tearing and ripping until all that remains is a sad, little pile of white paper shreds, dotted with black ink that used to conjoin the words inviting her to university. It isn't anything dramatic, and the paper slowly flits to the floor, but even just the sight of it brings Yena an immense amount of satisfaction.

Hopefully, she thinks, the person who takes her place actually wants to go, and doesn't have to go because they were forced.

Chaewon lets out a low whistle. "Look at you," she teases. "An absolute badass,"

Yena makes a face at her. "We should go," she pointedly ignores her, making her way to the front. "The taxi's waiting, and my parents will be home soon,"

Chaewon gives her a musing look, crossing her arms. "And you really have no idea what the plan is? This isn't you being quirky or anything, you really have no idea where we're gonna go?"

Yena purses her lips together, halting her movements. "We'll find out when we get there,"

She turns back around, and hears Chaewon _tsk_ behind her. "Hey,"

"Mmh?"

"No, look at me,"

It really isn't something Yena's ever been able to refuse. Chaewon's gaze softens to something more tender. "I love you. You know that, don't you?"

Yena thinks she melts inside each time she hears those words fall from Chaewon's lips. "Yeah, I do,"

She hears Chaewon gasp in offence behind her when she goes to open the front door, something about how "You're supposed to say it back!"

Yena steps out, into the sunshine. She'll never have to step foot inside that house ever again, and, she'll have Chaewon with her throughout it all. Sticking her hand out, she lets the sunlight run over it. Smiling to herself, she feels Chaewon come up behind her, resting her head on her shoulder. "What's got you so smiley?"

Yena smiles to herself.

"I'm warm,"

**Author's Note:**

> thank you all so so much for reading!! if you enjoyed i'd really appreciate it if you left a kudos/comment, and if you've any questions you can come yell at me on twitter or drop me a cc uwu. thank you all so so much again, see you soon!! <3
> 
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